Mind I tell you that I've chosen rather not to sleep, even though I have a big day ahead of me. I plan to start this day right...by jogging in the streets of abu dhabi at 5:30 AM. Because its a choice that I've made. The choice that I have to sacrifice something to gain something better.
Since I've got lots of spare time and I am feeling a hell of awake, I have chosen to write this blog. This won't be the normal blog of randomness and fun. The blog about updates that happened in my life. This is not just about being optimistic and always looking on the lighter side of things, looking into reality. In this
This is about choice, as I start this journey, of choices, few readers as I have...may you be enlightened and see how God transformed me...how he changed me...and how my wrong choices that almost destroyed me...
This is my story....
Our Story :)
THE CHOICE: INTRODUCTION
We've always been given choices. Life is full of choices, choices ranging from clothes, to shoes, to fast foods, friends, families and the people you are going to love. Choices that sometimes we disregard as a minor influence in our lives. Choices that we've regretted only after being broken down into pieces by the same choices that we've done.
Wrong choices
I impress a girl...and EPIC FAIL
I was around 7 or 6 during that time... It was a happy day I remembered. Our neighborhood girl across the street comes to play with us during this noon, because it was school vacation. My brother comes to play with us and does some random stuff. Then when he saw a hollow block, right around the corner he picks it up and lifts it up with his hands. The girl was impressed *no we don't have crushes on her, we just like to impress our friend* Since I don't wanna be taken out of the show I lifted the hollow block and tried to lift another one, that was 2 hollow blocks...being 7 and stupid at that time, I lost my balance and a hollow block fell from my hand striking the head my observing brother below me. There was blood, and my parents rushed out and attended to him..I just stood there, then flexed my muscles at the girl.
The basic instinct of human nature is to do choose something that would benefit himself/herself. Rarely this days that people choose to sacrifice their choice for the sake of others. Right then and there, they have already decided to choose for themselves...choose who they are, choose who they want to become...Have you ever tried smelling candles flavored in strawberry. They smell good enough to eat, but that is just a deception because once you eat them, the taste disappears, rather you taste a dull, disgusting wax mixed in strawberry essence and red coloring. Wrong choices are like these candles they seem to be inviting and good at first, but once you've got to accomplish them, things becomes worst. And we mostly choose wrong things because this is what satisfies us. This is easier, this is what WE think is Right...Always about me, me, me. From that point, you've already made the decision. Your choice is yourself alone.
Wrong Choice
I melt, I scream...I die....
I was in front of an assembly of people. Doing my best talking to them. I was around 13 or 14 that time. And it feels good to be always accepted by everyone. Viewed by everyone as good and holy. It feels good being complimented and getting a shake on the hand for a nice talk delivered. I had to do my best so that people would like me. I had to speak my best so that they'll listen to me...I had to be good to them so that they would accept me. This is what runs in my mind during those days of talking in front of assemblies of people. Everyone had to be a fan, everyone had to like me, everyone must think I am holy and never failing in serving God...everyone have to accept me, or else inside, I feel myself melting...screaming....dying.... I was addicted for the approval of others, that one particular assembly changed all that. The tables turned on that assembly, that this time, everyone was not a fan, everyone is angry at me, everyone is questioning me, everyone is pointing fingers at me...I was called for this meeting to be ridiculed and be hurt, by the very people I've trained to be in this assembly. I felt dying inside. One bad word about me makes me wanna jump of a building, but a group of people rallying against me just ruins my life...That was what ran within my mind...so I made a terrible choice...
I didn't become angry, and did what they wanted me to do...
Having your choice for yourself is not that all bad, but wanting your whole choice for the benefit of your own is just sheer selfishness. I was an approval addict before, now I am still fighting this addiction. For me, my choice is not mine, but for the other around me. I let their words manipulate me, change me, and replace who I am inside. Thus giving them a chance to choose for me. Wanting the approval and acceptance of others is not bad, but when you want this to be accomplished 100% then that is called an addiction. Wanting everyone's love and attention thus giving up your own choice for their benefits alone is pure stupidity. It's the lack of self love that pushes a person to their limits. The lack of self trust and esteem to carry on a challenge...the lack of choosing for oneself...Situations come in where people let other choose for them, this is not bad, but this is a sign of weakness. A sign of submission to the world, and to its influence around you. A sign of giving up your choice for the sake of approval and acceptance by the very people who won't love you.
A sign of stupidity....
Right Choice
I gave up Love
She was beautiful, stunning and everyone likes her. I even got a small crush on her. I didn't know her that much, until we spent time serving in a Summer Camp together. Coming in together every day. Laughing during breaks, telling her jokes, and teasing her with love songs. It was a simple friend-crush relationship. I've never had a girlfriend before. Ever since I was born 14 years ago, I didn't even think of courting girls. But this one, well shes like those others who I would just be able to love from afar, then our feelings would just fade out...
I was dead wrong
3 days later I have committed myself to stay single for the next 7 years, we got a chance to talk...A chance to chat...The chat that probably made me choose one of the hardest decisions I have to make. She told me that she likes me...to hell...she LOVES me...It was a surprise for me, a huge surprise. I insignificant, below-average, religious, non athletic guy like me? She who is popular, stunningly beautiful, has dated athletic and good looking guys in the past falls in love with a guy like me. I asked her why...she told me because I have proven to her that I cared for her. After being happy for 5 minutes I remembered a commitment that i have just made...a commitment to my God that was easily unbreakable, since it was just 3 days. But I don't know what drove me to fight but I didn't break that commitment. Weeks passed, we became sweeter on text and calls on the fone and chats on the messenger. We are even paired up and have kilig moments together. But I keep reminding her...Don't wait for me, there are a lot of guys out there who are more deserving than me. But she insists that she'll wait 7 years...Sadly i was wise enough to know that she can't do this...
So I made a hard choice....It was hard but it was the right one. I've chosen to let her go. To let this MU relationship die. So I stopped talking to her, chatting and etc. It was hard for me, to fall in love with a girl that fell in love with me and I can't even call her as my girl friend...Because of one word..."commitment"
Months passed, the relationship died, she was now seeing somebody else, I became angry for this, I know it was dumb since it was my own decision. But I blamed her for hurting me, while I was the one to blame for hurting myself...by choosing to delay choosing the right decision. I could've cut her off when we were chatting, but I've risked it. Now she's lost, I am lost...I am hurt and broken...
No choice but to move on...7 years is a long road ahead...
The right choices are often the hardest ones. People always claim that there are easier solutions in life, it is true. But that only applies in techniques, equations, skills and in things. That doesn't apply in personal decisions...Choices that you have to correct because you've chosen a wrong path before. Sometimes people torture themselves by making things complicated by putting in the equation their own preferences, rather than focusing on what is right. Focusing on what's going to benefit both parties and won't sacrifice morality. Choices when lifted up to God, are better choices because through this ways, you would be given a choice to follow his path for you...to follow a better road for you. Although he is not promising that the road would be easy...the goal would be worth it. Choices are not meant to be kept to yourself, or given 100% to others...
Choices are meant to be lifted up to God, then decided upon yourself for the greater good of the people around you and for you. Love yourself, love others, and Love your God above all.
This is the choice...and here is where you choose....
this is the reality...face it now
~dabsq
ps1...I've finished this blog 4:40 AM...one hour till I go down.
ps2...listening to second hand serenade right now....your call...they are emo people
ps3...assignments tommorow: go to IFSAM, go to JOSH, start COMMERCIAL, talk to KC, Charles and Kat.
ps4...thanks to all my imaginary readers :) your efforts are appreciated...
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