the choice: introduction

i am here right now...writing a blog at 3:49 AM, with no one to chat with, the computer in front of me...telling me to write something. My siblings sleeping, me listening to music...

Mind I tell you that I've chosen rather not to sleep, even though I have a big day ahead of me. I plan to start this day right...by jogging in the streets of abu dhabi at 5:30 AM. Because its a choice that I've made. The choice that I have to sacrifice something to gain something better.

Since I've got lots of spare time and I am feeling a hell of awake, I have chosen to write this blog. This won't be the normal blog of randomness and fun. The blog about updates that happened in my life. This is not just about being optimistic and always looking on the lighter side of things, looking into reality. In this blog sharing, there would be many parts, many roads, many choices. You'll see who I am for what I really am, you'll see the choices that have affected my life, and made me who I am today. This series of stories is not the normal series full of laughter, you'll see a warrior bleed, get hurt, die....

This is about choice, as I start this journey, of choices, few readers as I have...may you be enlightened and see how God transformed me...how he changed me...and how my wrong choices that almost destroyed me...

This is my story....

Our Story :)

THE CHOICE: INTRODUCTION

We've always been given choices. Life is full of choices, choices ranging from clothes, to shoes, to fast foods, friends, families and the people you are going to love. Choices that sometimes we disregard as a minor influence in our lives. Choices that we've regretted only after being broken down into pieces by the same choices that we've done.

Wrong choices
I impress a girl...and EPIC FAIL
I was around 7 or 6 during that time... It was a happy day I remembered. Our neighborhood girl across the street comes to play with us during this noon, because it was school vacation. My brother comes to play with us and does some random stuff. Then when he saw a hollow block, right around the corner he picks it up and lifts it up with his hands. The girl was impressed *no we don't have crushes on her, we just like to impress our friend* Since I don't wanna be taken out of the show I lifted the hollow block and tried to lift another one, that was 2 hollow blocks...being 7 and stupid at that time, I lost my balance and a hollow block fell from my hand striking the head my observing brother below me. There was blood, and my parents rushed out and attended to him..I just stood there, then flexed my muscles at the girl.

The basic instinct of human nature is to do choose something that would benefit himself/herself. Rarely this days that people choose to sacrifice their choice for the sake of others. Right then and there, they have already decided to choose for themselves...choose who they are, choose who they want to become...Have you ever tried smelling candles flavored in strawberry. They smell good enough to eat, but that is just a deception because once you eat them, the taste disappears, rather you taste a dull, disgusting wax mixed in strawberry essence and red coloring. Wrong choices are like these candles they seem to be inviting and good at first, but once you've got to accomplish them, things becomes worst. And we mostly choose wrong things because this is what satisfies us. This is easier, this is what WE think is Right...Always about me, me, me. From that point, you've already made the decision. Your choice is yourself alone.

Wrong Choice
I melt, I scream...I die....
I was in front of an assembly of people. Doing my best talking to them. I was around 13 or 14 that time. And it feels good to be always accepted by everyone. Viewed by everyone as good and holy. It feels good being complimented and getting a shake on the hand for a nice talk delivered. I had to do my best so that people would like me. I had to speak my best so that they'll listen to me...I had to be good to them so that they would accept me. This is what runs in my mind during those days of talking in front of assemblies of people. Everyone had to be a fan, everyone had to like me, everyone must think I am holy and never failing in serving God...everyone have to accept me, or else inside, I feel myself melting...screaming....dying.... I was addicted for the approval of others, that one particular assembly changed all that. The tables turned on that assembly, that this time, everyone was not a fan, everyone is angry at me, everyone is questioning me, everyone is pointing fingers at me...I was called for this meeting to be ridiculed and be hurt, by the very people I've trained to be in this assembly. I felt dying inside. One bad word about me makes me wanna jump of a building, but a group of people rallying against me just ruins my life...That was what ran within my mind...so I made a terrible choice...

I didn't become angry, and did what they wanted me to do...

Having your choice for yourself is not that all bad, but wanting your whole choice for the benefit of your own is just sheer selfishness. I was an approval addict before, now I am still fighting this addiction. For me, my choice is not mine, but for the other around me. I let their words manipulate me, change me, and replace who I am inside.  Thus giving them a chance to choose for me. Wanting the approval and acceptance of others is not bad, but when you want this to be accomplished 100% then that is called an addiction. Wanting everyone's love and attention thus giving up your own choice for their benefits alone is pure stupidity. It's the lack of self love that pushes a person to their limits. The lack of self trust and esteem to carry on a challenge...the lack of choosing for oneself...Situations come in where people let other choose for them, this is not bad, but this is a sign of weakness. A sign of submission to the world, and to its influence around you. A sign of giving up your choice for the sake of approval and acceptance by the very people who won't love you.

A sign of stupidity....

Right Choice
I gave up Love
She was beautiful, stunning and  everyone likes her. I even got a small crush on her. I didn't know her that much, until we spent time serving in a Summer Camp together. Coming in together every day. Laughing during breaks, telling her jokes, and teasing her with love songs. It was a simple friend-crush relationship. I've never had a girlfriend before. Ever since I was born 14 years ago, I didn't even think of courting girls. But this one, well shes like those others who I would just be able to love from afar, then our feelings would just fade out...

I was dead wrong

3 days later I have committed myself to stay single for the next 7 years, we got a chance to talk...A chance to chat...The chat that probably made me choose one of the hardest decisions I have to make. She told me that she likes me...to hell...she LOVES me...It was a surprise for me, a huge surprise. I insignificant, below-average, religious, non athletic guy like me? She who is popular, stunningly beautiful, has dated athletic and good looking guys in the past falls in love with a guy like me. I asked her why...she told me because I have proven to her that I cared for her. After being happy for 5 minutes I remembered a commitment that i have just made...a commitment to my God that was easily unbreakable, since it was just 3 days. But I don't know what drove me to fight but I didn't break that commitment. Weeks passed, we became sweeter on text and calls on the fone and chats on the messenger. We are even paired up and have kilig moments together. But I keep reminding her...Don't wait for me, there are a lot of guys out there who are more deserving than me. But she insists that she'll wait 7 years...Sadly i was wise enough to know that she can't do this...

So I made a hard choice....It was hard but it was the right one. I've chosen to let her go. To let this MU relationship die. So I stopped talking to her, chatting and etc. It was hard for me, to fall in love with a girl that fell in love with me and I can't even call her as my girl friend...Because of one word..."commitment" 

Months passed, the relationship died, she was now seeing somebody else, I became angry for this, I know it was dumb since it was my own decision. But I blamed her for hurting me, while I was the one to blame for hurting myself...by choosing to delay choosing the right decision. I could've cut her off when we were chatting, but I've risked it. Now she's lost, I am lost...I am hurt and broken...

No choice but to move on...7 years is a long road ahead...

The right choices are often the hardest ones. People always claim that there are easier solutions in life, it is true. But that only applies in techniques, equations, skills and in things. That doesn't apply in personal decisions...Choices that you have to correct because you've chosen a wrong path before. Sometimes people torture themselves by making things complicated by putting in the equation their own preferences, rather than focusing on what is right. Focusing on what's going to benefit both parties and won't sacrifice morality. Choices when lifted up to God, are better choices because through this ways, you would be given a choice to follow his path for you...to follow a better road for you. Although he is not promising that the road would be easy...the goal would be worth it. Choices are not meant to be kept to yourself, or given 100% to others...

Choices are meant to be lifted up to God, then decided upon yourself for the greater good of the people around you and for you. Love yourself, love others, and Love your God above all.

This is the choice...and here is where you choose....

this is the reality...face it now

~dabsq

ps1...I've finished this blog 4:40 AM...one hour till I go down.
ps2...listening to second hand serenade right now....your call...they are emo people
ps3...assignments tommorow: go to IFSAM, go to JOSH, start COMMERCIAL, talk to KC, Charles and Kat.
ps4...thanks to all my imaginary readers :) your efforts are appreciated...

a quote

"It seems that I worth nothing to her, so I guess that means that she amounts and worth nothing to me."

This words, this quote that I have studied and have claimed to my own, as it represents my current situation.  It may sound harsh but it's the truth. Finding it all out, connecting all the dots, and trying to remember the memories that we never had the chance to treasure, makes me to wish that I haven't met you ever in my life. It makes me wish to just to forget who you really are, but we can;t really do that right? The only way I could forget you is through amnesia, and well death (mine). It makes me wanna scream why I took the risk of knowing you, why I took the risk of trusting you, and the risk of putting unto you all my hopes and dreams. I know it's stupid, but as they say you're 99.9% perfect! Everyone loves you, no one stays mad at you, and your emotions and mood are infectious. When you're happy, people tend to laugh and experience joy, when you're sad or emotionless, people begin to notice something is wrong. Oh sure you're perfect alright, but that is the very reason I regret meeting you, its just because your so perfect, so unique and so different. And yet, I have accepted that fact that I am worth nothing before you. I never really changed anything, I just replaced those awkward moments, with awkward smiles.

Oh please, don't blame yourself, as we all know it is not you to blame, but me. It's me for letting my guard down, it's me for well hoping too much, and it's me for not learning from my past lessons and mistakes...

So what am I to do now? Well I would try to forget everything as if it was a fading memory, I would not try anymore well to build a good relationship that wasn't there in the first place. I am worth nothing when I am in front of you, and sorry but I  just can't go on and see myself looking stupid for that. 

You were just a distraction, a petty distraction that was made to divert me from seeing reality, and finishing my goals, you were just someone who was put in the way to confuse, my goals, my dreams, myself. You were put in the way to confuse who I AM. And for that I have decided to let you go, you deserve people better than me. People who could really make you laugh, when you need laughter. People who you can trust, people who you would like or appreciate, and people who would really care for you. I don't know, but for me I tried to be all of those people, for you, even though it wasn't who I am. I tried changing, not compromising my Christianity and morality, but I changed my personality, the way I talk, I dress and everything for you. But I just see that is too late, after all this time, what I have been doing is nothing, I was worth nothing to you when we first met each other, and I would be worth nothing to you when we say our long goodbyes...

And so this is me, saying goodbye, and thank you...Thank you for being there, teaching me again a lesson to think, pray and not expect too much. Thank you for giving me a challenge that I failed, thank you for giving me a painful and scarring yet, beautiful and memorable moments that I hope I could treasure forever...

But to tell you honestly, whenever I look at you now, I try to think of you as...

worthless...even though it is not what my heart tells me, I try to follow my mind this time...

I am a yfc, people see me in activities, talking about true Love and etc. People look at me to ask me stuff about this things, and yet after giving them an advice they tend to do the opposite, they would say that it is too hard to follow. Well brothers and sisters, It is not you guys alone who are struggling, not you alone who had to make hard decisions such as this, and not you alone who has a life. Remember, life is not just about making harsh decisions, its about taking time to make the right one.

Good bye

and Thank You

....for everything :)

dabsq

blogger


ps....don't judge or guess too quickly on who this girl is, people make that  mistake too often, that they just end up either hurting themselves, or plainly looking stupid
ps2...and no I am not on emo mowd, I just found a blog worthy to be written and shared to the world

a choice

before I sleep my dear imaginary readers, I leave you a message, a story rather :) here we can realize that Love is not just any other emotion or feeling...it is the ultimate choice, made by humanity and man's creator...GOD :)

The Choice...

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.

All of the Garden’s inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.

“You will love me, nature,” God said. “I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose.”

All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. “It’s called ‘choice.’ The seed of choice.”

Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, “But what if he … ”

“What if he chooses not to love?” the Creator finished. “Come, I will show you.”

Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.

“There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter.”

The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.

“Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation.”

“Ah, but you’ve only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter.”

A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, “What is it?”

The Creator spoke only one word: “Selfishness.”

The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.

“This is the result of choice?” the angel asked.
“Yes.”
“They will forget you?”
“Yes.”
“They will reject you?”
“Yes.”
“They will never come back?”
“Some will. Most won’t.”
“What will it take to make them listen?”

The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.

With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed. Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.

He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.

“Will you go down there?” the angel asked.

“I will.”

“Is there no other way?”

“There is not.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn’t it be easier to not give the choice?”

“It would,” the Creator spoke slowly. “But to remove the choice is to remove the love.”

He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldiers’ garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.

Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless. Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn’t leave. “I will stay,” she said softly. “I will stay.”

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.

“It must be done … ,” he said, and withdrew.

But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday scream: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow’s agony.

The angel spoke again. “It would be less painful … ”

The Creator interrupted softly. “But it wouldn’t be love.”

They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God’s form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one. The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:

“It looks like … it appears so much like … it is him!”

The angel wasn’t speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.

“It’s eternal!” gasped another.

Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth’s mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.

Now it’s our choice.

EXPERIENCE OUR LIMITLESS GOD!
YFC LIMITLESS
APRIL 29-30, 2010
Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates

YOU HAVE A CHOICE.. its up to YOU!
Credits to Kuya Ace Lu! FTPW YFC Middle East!



kDabs Quiambao
YFC Abu Dhabi, UAE
servant



gudnyt :)

worthless

i wish I could just sleep for 24 hours, and wake up not worrying about anything....or anybody

i wish I could just stand up, jog outside the house, into the cold dark streets of abu dhabi, without thinking about the things that are waiting for me back home...back to my life

i wish I could just feel useful for once in a while...

I felt worthless today...is it because I truly am?


kDabs
blogger


ps...ugh, i feel worthless

loved...

i feel loved today...:)

and that love is amazing, since its like sleeping and swimming in mushy marshmallows with ponies and unicorns...


ok...not necessarily that gay...but i do feel loved...Loved by Jesus :)

Why? Because of him i have this wonderful friends, friends on whom he has given me. Friends who never left me behind, classmates that i shared my memories with!

Yeah, we'll be leaving all right, but our memories, our voices, and our legacy would remain in the halls of PNS, and in the hearts of the people we have learned to Love...

i feel loved today:)

and that is what matters :D

kDabs

hi, hello, bonjour, kamusta, Es salaam aleikom...uhhhh? Welcome :D

hi, so yeah I am not gonna repeat what I wrote up there ^ because it took me soooo long just to find hello in arabic...like 5 seconds, because of google...*thank you google* Oh, yeah I forgot?

What is this blog for? Well I am just another teen with a blog...That's pretty much all of it! Maybe you are asking what TEEN APOLOGIST means?




You probably know what "TEEN" means, which is a hard headed, punk loving, rock hugging, hiphop singing, rnb dancing being which probably looks likes this >>>>>>>>>>>>>






 
"for most parents anyway" in short and Apologist meaning somekind of expert in apologizing...which adds <<<<<<<< up to teens becoming experts apologizing "hallelujah song heard by parents nationwide" then YEY!

his dad's haidoe is cool!!!
and yes...this RAREEEEEEEEEELY happens in real life



cuz ur horribly wrong :P *pun intended, if there was a pun*  i don't mean to be rude, but hello again to my imaginary readers, both teens, parents, grandparents and cats alike! I am dabs, and I am the creator of this blog. As i've said i am just another teen with a blog. But this time, i am not going to talk about weird ghosts stuff, flying monkeys, school ramblings, romance stories and eck eck! "well most of the time" :)) but I am here to share, to recreate and to explore the world of apologetics. Apologetics as you may already know since you've probably "googled" or "yahooed" it already is define in the dictionary as blah blah blah...



just kidding...

Apologetics-is the defense or "apology" of your beliefs. And the Apology we are talking about here is the Apology of the Christian Catholic Faith. Correct me in the comments if i am wrong :) As I understand it. And Teen is well, hard headed.....blah blah, yeah its true. SO???WHAT HAS IT GOT TO DO WITH DEFENDING THE FAITH? Well apologetics is not just for OLD people you know! "ehem" But it is also Christ himself who has called out to the young people. Don't believe me? Let's look at Jeremiah 1:4-7

Jeremiah 1:4-7
The word of the LORD came to me, saying, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. 



So yeah! I believe we too, are called to be defenders of our faith, and proclaimer of the gospel. But I know that we could do it in a way the teens would understand and could understand. I do not claim to well, knowww everything there is to know, or that the stuff I would write would be "INTERESTING" but ths blog would be my personal account, my journey towards my dream of becoming a certified catholic apologist. Join me if you want to? Leave me if you don't

Ok to get you guys started, I am not like those Christian Fanatics out there who say, OHHHH YOU'LL GO TO HELL!!! or OOOH!!! WE'RE THE ONLY ONE'S WHO ARE SAVED and blah blah blah! I don't just talk the talk :D I walk the talk :D So yeah I am a Christian, a catholic for one *those who want to argue catholics are not christians, don't worry we'll have plenty time on that* 
I am a Christian, and yea I am a FAN of Christ, but please remove the atic, its just well...ewww...

To set the records straight...
I am a Christian, I am willing to die for my faith, I believe in the Catholic Church, I am neither liberal nor conservative Catholic. ANd I am HANDSOME! scratch that last part...


see I am random...you may be grumbling of why I am doing this randomness, but its because I am a teen, I enjoy being random...:) Its just the introduction for now, so don't expect anything serious for now!

so good bye for now guys and i Hope Ill get readers soon :) God Bless!

dabsq



ps1 I have MUMPS now, so it hurts to eat popcorn...
ps2...why am I telling you this? because my popcorn's flavor is butter :)
ps3 I am leaving you a picture of this monkey to keep you smiling :)

-welcome to Teen Apologist!

Peace begins with a smile.

- Mother Teresa