a quote

"It seems that I worth nothing to her, so I guess that means that she amounts and worth nothing to me."

This words, this quote that I have studied and have claimed to my own, as it represents my current situation.  It may sound harsh but it's the truth. Finding it all out, connecting all the dots, and trying to remember the memories that we never had the chance to treasure, makes me to wish that I haven't met you ever in my life. It makes me wish to just to forget who you really are, but we can;t really do that right? The only way I could forget you is through amnesia, and well death (mine). It makes me wanna scream why I took the risk of knowing you, why I took the risk of trusting you, and the risk of putting unto you all my hopes and dreams. I know it's stupid, but as they say you're 99.9% perfect! Everyone loves you, no one stays mad at you, and your emotions and mood are infectious. When you're happy, people tend to laugh and experience joy, when you're sad or emotionless, people begin to notice something is wrong. Oh sure you're perfect alright, but that is the very reason I regret meeting you, its just because your so perfect, so unique and so different. And yet, I have accepted that fact that I am worth nothing before you. I never really changed anything, I just replaced those awkward moments, with awkward smiles.

Oh please, don't blame yourself, as we all know it is not you to blame, but me. It's me for letting my guard down, it's me for well hoping too much, and it's me for not learning from my past lessons and mistakes...

So what am I to do now? Well I would try to forget everything as if it was a fading memory, I would not try anymore well to build a good relationship that wasn't there in the first place. I am worth nothing when I am in front of you, and sorry but I  just can't go on and see myself looking stupid for that. 

You were just a distraction, a petty distraction that was made to divert me from seeing reality, and finishing my goals, you were just someone who was put in the way to confuse, my goals, my dreams, myself. You were put in the way to confuse who I AM. And for that I have decided to let you go, you deserve people better than me. People who could really make you laugh, when you need laughter. People who you can trust, people who you would like or appreciate, and people who would really care for you. I don't know, but for me I tried to be all of those people, for you, even though it wasn't who I am. I tried changing, not compromising my Christianity and morality, but I changed my personality, the way I talk, I dress and everything for you. But I just see that is too late, after all this time, what I have been doing is nothing, I was worth nothing to you when we first met each other, and I would be worth nothing to you when we say our long goodbyes...

And so this is me, saying goodbye, and thank you...Thank you for being there, teaching me again a lesson to think, pray and not expect too much. Thank you for giving me a challenge that I failed, thank you for giving me a painful and scarring yet, beautiful and memorable moments that I hope I could treasure forever...

But to tell you honestly, whenever I look at you now, I try to think of you as...

worthless...even though it is not what my heart tells me, I try to follow my mind this time...

I am a yfc, people see me in activities, talking about true Love and etc. People look at me to ask me stuff about this things, and yet after giving them an advice they tend to do the opposite, they would say that it is too hard to follow. Well brothers and sisters, It is not you guys alone who are struggling, not you alone who had to make hard decisions such as this, and not you alone who has a life. Remember, life is not just about making harsh decisions, its about taking time to make the right one.

Good bye

and Thank You

....for everything :)

dabsq

blogger


ps....don't judge or guess too quickly on who this girl is, people make that  mistake too often, that they just end up either hurting themselves, or plainly looking stupid
ps2...and no I am not on emo mowd, I just found a blog worthy to be written and shared to the world